May 2010

Jozy Altidore: This Is SportsCenter

Far too infrequently a commercial comes around that changes one’s life. Think “Terrible Terry Tate the Office Linebacker” or “Chicks Dig The Long Ball,” starring Mad Dog and Tommy G. Or anything involving high school football and Nike.

When I die and they lay me to rest / Gonna go to the place that’s the best / When I lay me down to die / Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky

Jozy Altidore’s tour-de-force performance in ESPN’s latest cinematic masterpiece may be held in such regard. Old USMNT kits aside, Altidore switching his jersey with the white faux-ESPN employee (Josh Elliot? I have no idea) touches greatness — replete with an out-of-nowhere stage presence that is further aided by Jozy’s hilarious voice and cheeky mannerisms throughout the commercial. Hats off to you, Mr. Altidore.

And to think one of our rival blogs (he’s far more popular) posted some Red Bullshit about Jozy not even getting a free trip to South Africa. The boy ain’t Conor Casey, my friends. Let’s just say after this manifesto, Bob Bradley won’t be kicking Jozy Altidore out of bed for eating crackers any time soon.

Amen to that, brother.

Daniel Seco