spot for a quality finish. Rooney started 30 yards behind the play, and still managed to get himself in position to score. His excellent play this year in the EPL has landed him the Football Writers Associations player of the year for 2009-2010.Rooney is not on this list only for this talent on the pitch, but for the way he plays the game. Wayne Rooney is one tenacious and angry son of a bitch. He plays with a killer instinct that wills him to win, and he will fucking kill you if he has to in order to make it happen. This can occasionally leds to what I like to call the “Jackleg Explosion”. After a few questionable calls, or hard fouls, Rooney could completely loss it and earn himself a straight red card in the matter of seconds. The joke around TYAC offices has been who will get the red card first, Rooney or MB90? We know it will happen; it’s just a matter of whom. Choosing an American Sports “Soulmate” for
someone I hate so much was not an easy task. After consulting with “Lighting Cup” Jon, and “Ian Poulter Wannabe” Neil, we decided on Jonathan “Pap” Papelbon, the closer for the Boston Red Sox. After some thought, he was the perfect match for Rooney. First and most importantly, unless you are a Red Sox Fan, you hate this guy. He has no personality qualities that would think having a beer with him would be a good idea. Furthermore, Pap also looks like some type of drunken animal with Down Syndrome, maybe pit bull, you tell me. Pap walks around the mound with this pompous swagger that makes me want to stab him, much like Rooney. Even though I
can’t stand Papelbon, as a baseball fan, I have to admit he is excellent at his job. Rarely does Papelbon fail to convert a save. In less than five years as a full time closer he has converted 161 saves in 180 opportunities. That translates to a save percentage of roughly 90 percent He also won two World Series Rings with a squad that will forever remain in my memory for coming back and winning four in a row to beat my beloved Yankees. I fucking hate him, but the guy is good.Probably the most important and best comparison for Rooney to Papelbon is the “killer instinct” aspect. Pap is just as crazy as Wayne. In fact, all baseball fans will tell you that closers need to have a few electrical fires going off in their brains. After a few shitty calls by the overweight umpire behind the plate, Pap could have his own “Jackleg Explosion” and get tossed quicker than Milli Vanilli’s career ended. In my opinion, Papelbon is the match for Wayne Rooney. Let’s go big picture here for a few moments. What does Wayne Rooney mean to the English football squad? Everything. Rooney will most certainly be the emotional fire on the pitch. During any match, he will not stop working. Even with a two goal lead, he will continue to chase down balls that may still end up heading for the touch line. This continuous motor raises the level of play and effort of everyone on the squad. If Wayne is still working hard in the 90th min, you better damn will be. While we here in the US are focused on who will be paired with MB90 in the midfield, English fans want to know who will be playing with Wayne Rooney up top. Everyone knows Rooney is the man, but who gets a shot to play with him? Not only will he be the emotional leader on the pitch, he also needs to be their best striker. While the English expect goal production out of their midfield, if Wayne Rooney, does not have the World Cup that expect him to, the English will fall short of their aspirations for a deep run in the tournament. Puck is the pop culture guru for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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