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been especially hellish for me. I know you all probably don’t give a shit, but that hydride generation fluorescence spectroscopy instrument that I have told you all so much about, well it decided that it was time to pull a Roque Santa Cruz. Right when you think it’s about to turn a corner and start cranking on all cylinders, everything gets fucked up and your left holding your dick in your hand wondering just what exactly just what the hell went wrong. Having spent the majority of my week to trying to fix this piece of highly expensive garbage, it broke down. As such, trying to
find one coherent thought to base this Happy Hour around was just way too much work. That said, I decided I would hit you with just a few of my thoughts from last week. Champions League Update: The group stages of the Champions League kicked off this week with little surprise. The big swinging dicks of Europe dominated the competition in their opening matches. In this bloggers opinion, the two squads that looked the most impressive where Barcelona with a 4-0 victory and Chelsea, exploding for a 6 goal trouncing. While there are other arguments to be made for other players, I am fully convinced that Lionel Messi is the best footballer on the planet. The only real surprise is actually better categorized as a disappointment. Defending European Club champions Inter Milan only managed a 2-2 draw against Twente Enschede, a Dutch club I have never even heard of, due to some sloppy defending and an own goal from Diego Milito. In possibly the most anticipated match of the opening round Maurice Edu and the rest of the Rangers played a tough 0-0 draw with Manchester United. In a physical match at Old Trafford, a 0-0 draw was probably a fair result yet one that will doubtlessly leave United with some work to do moving forward. Europa League Update: The second tier of European club competition also kicked off group play this week, with very similar results to the Champions League. As a Manchester City fan, it was nice to see David Silva get on the score sheet with a 2-0 victory after struggling to find first team time since his transfer to City. While Liverpool came out of the gates quickly, they need a 3 goal second half to finish off Steaua Bucuresti to take all three points at Anfield. The most surprising result from the opening matching was Juve giving up a 90th minute goal at home resulting in a 3-3 draw with some shitty club that they should have run off the pitch. Hopefully, they don’t manage to get their shit together before my boys in blue face them. Tough times in Turin right now, but a wounded Old Lady is a dangerous Old Lady, or so I’d like to think. Pop Culture Update: As the “Token Pop Culture Guru” here at TYAC, I feel obligated to comment on last Sunday night’s Video Music Awards. First off, I don’t care if my latest celebrity crush Katy Perry actually won any awards; she wins the award for the hottest women at the show. Honestly, what’s not to like about this girl ? Whatever your sexual preference is, if you don’t’ think that Katy Perry is one sexy women,
you are probably the kind of person that thinks “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” is Jude Law’s best work. Do yourself a favor and google image search her and try not to get big in your pants. I have tried to talk the editing staff into letting me write a Yankette post on this busty beauty, but they feel that 700 words of masturbation jokes would be a little bit over the top, and, if the Tea Party wins this November, we might get kicked off the interwebs. It’s a shame that Perry is constantly being penetrated by some disease ridden West Ham fan. No I am not talking about Jon “Lighting Cup” Levy. I am
referring to the asshole that considers himself a comedian, Russell Brand. Finally, just what the fuck was Lady Gaga thinking when she wore a meat dress to the show? You read that correctly, she wore a dress made completely of meat. Just who the hell decided to put that outfit together for here? More importantly, where did they get all the meat? Part of me thinks that she freshly slaughtered a cow backstage to put on the finishing touches. Another thing I can’t stop thinking about is what happened to all the meat when she took the dress off. It’s not like she could just hang it
up in a meat freezer for a few months and take it out whenever it suited her. Right now somewhere in America someone is grilling up a Rib-eye steak freshly marinated in Lady Gaga’s ass sweet. That’s enough for this week. Time for some words of wisdom… PUCK’SFREE ADVICE: When thinking about my free advice for the week, my roommate T-Bone spoke some of the truest words I have ever heard. During a whiskey soak diatribe he uttered, “There’s strong whiskey and there are weak men.” My advice for the weekend, grab a bottle of whiskey and find out what category you fall in. Sorry for partying bitches. Puck is the pop culture guru for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at email@example.com. He’s also just joined Twitter, and you can now follow his pithy insights and words of “I’m cooler than you” wisdom at @Pucklovespbr.