Puck’s Friday Happy Hour: Julia Stiles Yankette Edition

An avid soccer supporter and Red Bulls Fan, plus a down-to-earth intellectual movie star? That's Julia Stiles.

By Puck

Ladies and Gentlemen– welcome back into the Happy Hour. It’s been a decent week for this Manchester City fan. Sure we only managed to draw with Fulham and Chelsea’s comeback against United this week has certainly ratcheted up the pressure for a top 3 finish in the EPL, but the 3-0 pounding of Aston Villa in the FA Cup really brightened my Wednesday. While MB90 had a pretty pedestrian performance, he really needs a couple games to get into the swing of things and I don’t think there is any cause for USMNT fan panic. Things are shaping up for a dramatic finish in the EPL with about 6 teams fighting to stay in the top flight and City, Chelsea and Spurs battling it out for 2 Champions League spots.

Before announcing the new Yankette for March, I need to say a couple things about the recent developments surrounding BYU center Brandon Davies. For those of you that have been hiding under a rock for the last week, Davies was suspended from the BYU basketball team for the rest of the year due to a violation of the schools honor code. Recently, it was reported that this violation of the honor code was not a violent offense or even a crime, but rather Davies will sit the rest of the season for having sex with his girlfriend. Everyone together now….WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

I will never understand this as long as I try. Here is a young man that did nothing illegal, but he still will be sitting out the rest of the year. If you are an athlete being recruited by BYU for any sport, why in the world would you ever enroll there, especially after this news? Yes, I know that BYU caters to the Mormons throughout the country, hence the strict honor code, but not being allowed to have consensual sex is downright fascist. I am sure Davies knew what

he was agreeing too when he signed on the dotted line, but let’s be serious, other athletes at BYU are banging their girlfriends. I bet that as you are reading this there are some secret games of “here quick hide this” action going on at the BYU campus. It is complete unrealistic to think that a group of people at both their physical and sexual peak won’t do some experimentation. At this point, it is not clear if he turned himself in out of guilt, or some other jackleg ratted him out for getting it in with some hottie. Either way this is a sad situation that basically sums up all the things I hate about ridiculousness of religious moral codes. At the same time, juxtapose Davies’ situation with a recent report from CBS and Sports Illustrated that discovered high school students with long, violent, criminal records are still getting football scholarships. It appears everything in the NCAA is fucked. Bottom line, you won’t see me hanging out in Utah any time soon.

Enough of this depressing shit, I think it’s time to move on to some uplifting news, a la the announcement of the March 2011 Yankette. This month’s Yankette has got it all: talent, beauty, and the girl next door personality. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you the March 2011 Yankette Ms Julia Stiles.

Stiles was born and raised in the New York City, and played soccer in the parks along the East River as a child. She started her acting career at the young age of 11, but did not get her big break until landing the lead in the very twisted movie Wicked, a role which garnished her high praise from critics at the Sundance Film Festival. From 1999-2002 Stiles was the darling of the teen movie scene with films including 10 Things I Hate About You(where she was able to show off some of her soccer talents) , Save the Last Dance, and Down to You. For a few years you couldn’t flip through the channels without seeing her face on TV. She was finally able to move onto bigger and more challenging roles after being cast as Nicky Parsons in the Bourne Film Trilogy. The producers took notice of her talent and continued to rewrite her character into larger story arches throughout the series. More recently, Stiles was nominated for a Golden Globe for her work Showtime’s excellent series Dexter. If you are not watching this show, you seriously need to be. I never thought I could love a serial killer, but Dexter Morgan is my homeboy. In this bloggers humble opinion, the Screen Actors Guild giving the award to some chick from Glee was highway robbery. Without Stiles, this last season at Dexter would have been mediocre at best. I can’t forget to mention that she has given writing and directing a try with her short film Raving.

Stiles' support of the New York Mets is a display of fan loyalty that is truly admirable, and soccer fans should relate.

If acting and directing wasn’t enough, Stiles managed to finish her college degree from Columbia University, in English Literature–but she did dabble in Latin American Studies, which could explain her love of La Liga. More impressively, Stiles went to college for the right reasons: she did not want to end up like the pampered bitchy actresses that

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most teen stars turn into. It seems that a couple years of dorm life really helped but this young lady on the right path. While all of this makes Stiles an excellent choice for the Yankette of the Month, she was a shoe in for the honor due to her great sports fandom. While I am a huge Yankees fan, I can respect Stiles for being a lifelong Mets Fan. It is tough playing second fiddle to the Yanks on the back page of the NY Post, but Stiles where her Mets colors with pride. Like I mentioned before, Stiles is also a big time soccer fan. She even found the time to play on a club teams while enrolled in school at Columbia. As a New York resident Stiles is a proud supporter of the New York Red Bulls. Stiles support of the beautiful game does not

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end with just wearing her team’s colors proudly; she has made a commitment to give back to the game where she earned so many lessons. Back in 2006, Julie help dedicate a new soccer park along the east river with Barcelona FC so that kids that want to play the game won’t have to worry avoiding broken glass and used needles like she had to back in the day. We at TYAC salute you Julia Stiles; welcome to the family, this PBR is for you.

It’s Friday, so you know I can’t leave you without

PUCK’S FREE ADVICE:

This week’s advice is pretty simple and very direct. Never get caught in bed with a living boy or a dead hooker. I am looking at you politicians.

It’s time to meet up with my boy Charlie Sheen to pick up some Tiger Blood and a case of PBR. The Cryami Hurriclowns are in town, heckling will be at a premium. Winning!

Sorry for partying…

Puck is the Pop Culture Guy for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at puck@yanksarecoming.com and you should follow his hilarity on Twitter at @PuckLovesPBR.

 

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  • Jon

    Dude, did not know half this info about Julia Styles, apparently she’s pretty awesome! Well deserving of the Yankette honor.

    Sidenote: In tenth grade I took this girl on a date to see “Ten Things I Hate About You”, only to discover she didn’t didn’t understand sarcasm. Actual conversation:

    HIGH SCHOOL GIRL: I play guitar a lot.
    HIGH SCHOOL JON: Yeah me too! I’m getting a lot better. What do you play?
    HIGH SCHOOL GIRL: I love Jewel; I can play almost all her songs!
    HIGH SCHOOL JON: Oh yeah? Well I can play ALL her songs.
    HIGH SCHOOL GIRL: Really?
    HIGH SCHOOL JON: No, not at all.
    HIGH SCHOOL GIRL: Then why would you say that?
    HIGH SCHOOL JON: Uhh…

    Little “mixups” like this happened the whole time. There was no second date.

  • Maxwell

    Puck,

    I really love your Friday pieces and man I truly think we could have a successful time as career party partners. However, I whole heartedly disagree with you on the Davies’ situation. If you have heard and/or entertain all the other arguments, cease reading here. I am sure I am repeating things but I simply cannot disagree more.

    It’s not as simple as “He signed a contract, he knew what he was doing”. It’s much more more. Davies had the cajones to come up to his coaches and administration and say I did wrong. I’ll never simply judge a man by what he’s done right, but how’s he has dealt with what he has done wrong.

    This is not going to ruin his life, far from it, and could in fact prove as some sort of cathartic requiem for all those athletes who took money, nailed his buddies girl or drove a little too drunk. We need morally responsible people in sports.

    I am not trying to reignite the Barkley/role model debate, but merely that these men and women in amateur and pro sports have contracts they need to live up to, and responsibilities as people in the spotlight. Davies took a proactive role in his life, with a lesson that will never be forgotten. No matter your position on sex before marriage, or contraception or whatever other sexual and social issues at hand, this guy fucked up and came to his people palms up saying, “do what you will”. I give him all the credit in the world – he’s a better man than I.

    • Puck

      Maxwell,
      thanks for the comment, I am sure we could be excellent party partners. I do admire the fact that he came forward and admitted “wrong doing”. if he cheated on a test or something I would be writing about what a great kid he is (the anti cam newton). the problem is I do not think he did anything wrong. this all goes to the fact that I am a very anti religous person and that is another debate for another blog.

      keep reading and keep partying.

  • Matthew

    My dear Puck,

    Allow me to tell you horror stories from the baptist college I attended in rural Texas that would make this situation at BYU seem like an episode of South Park:

    – I witnessed a “jackleg” rat out a lesbian couple in one of my classes, both of whom were forced to move out of each other’s apartment, had their parents called, and were subjected to watch Christian videos that would “de-homosexualize” their behaviors.
    – Students living on-campus suffered from having their room checked every week for alcohol/drugs. If you were caught drinking on or off-campus, it was a hefty slice of suspension for punishment.
    – The opposite sex was allowed in your dorm room only during specific hours of the day (and only if the door was completely open).
    – Curfew for freshman and sophomores was 12:00 AM on weekdays and 1:00 AM on weekends (and the consequences were disastrous – 1st violation was a trip to the Dean’s office and a 2nd offense resulted in community service).

    Mind you, I am not a 50 year-old man recollecting college memories from a past utopian society; I am a 2010 graduate still trying to recuperate from a severe case of culture shock. And I tell you all of this to let you know that it is still quite possible to do 88mph and end up in a backwards society here in the United States of America.

    With that being said, perhaps I can offer a helpful warning: Stay away from universities in rural west Texas…hell, just stay away from rural west Texas, period.

    P.S. Thank you for the articles, Puck. I read them faithfully every week. Keep up the fantastic work.

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