Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to the Happy Hour. Wednesday’s match with Mexicowent just about as scripted, at least in this writer’s view. The USMNT veterans were unfamiliar with their new assignments under Klinsy and El Tri took advantage, exploiting the resulting gaps in defense. The addition of former USMNT outcasts like JFT and Castillo further amplified the problem. The first half was dominated by Mexico, although their goal seemed to be a combination of a lucky bounce and Tim Howard daydreaming. If Dos Santos and Chicharito both started, the game could have gotten ugly very early. The last 30 minutes of the game was a much different story, with USMNT youngsters Agudelo, Shea, and Rogers looking threatening and ultimately being rewarded with a tying goal. Truthfully, bad officiating cost the USa shot to go ahead with a penalty after Landbro was clearly fouled in the box. In my opinion it is critical to recognize that the USMNT really started developing good chances once the rock solid Mexican defensive leader Rafa Marquez was removed from the match. Better writers than myself (Editors Note: Not possible) have, and will continue to break down the game, so I wanted to give you a few off the wall thoughts concerning the match.
Grant Wahl and I are of the same opinion concerning the TV coverage on “The Mothership.” The Little League World Series delaying the start of the game on the four letter network part deux(ESPN2)was complete horseshit. Just what in the Rossi where these clowns thinking? Since the middle of last week the four-letter had been pumping up this match. After taking care of all the actual work I needed to get done for the day, I settled in with Betsy (my oversized and incredibly comfortable recliner) and turned on my nice 47’ flat screen. To my dismay, there was no soccer, but a bunch of 13 year olds playing bad baseball. Don’t get me wrong, I love baseball, but the idea that I want to watch a LLWS qualifier in HD is laughable. I was forced to watch the first 20 minutes of the game on ESPN News, which is not broadcast in HD in the Gainesvillemarket, and watching regular TV on a nice flat screen is depressing. What a joke. I really hate the four-letter network, except for Jeff Carlisle and sometimes Oleander Shennanigans, and after last night, my hatred burns a little deeper.
Speaking of HDTV, John Harkes has got to go. Besides his skin slowly turning to burnt “Boehner” leather, he is downright awful as the color commentator for the USMNT. I love hearing Ian Darke use a wide array of English phrases to put his stamp on the game. Wednesday night he described the dust up with Dolo as “handbags at five paces”. Unfortunately these gems are almost always followed by a worthless comment from Harkes that makes me want to watch the game on mute. Can someone please start a petition to get him out of the booth and bring my main man Kyle Martino in?
Here at TYAC, we love bringing you new nicknames of our favorite, and occasionally hated, USMNT stars. While a bunch of nicknames have developed in our nearly three years of existence, none have been as powerful as our favorite, MB90. Since its inception the nickname for the former coach’s kid has infected soccer blogs throughout the country and hopefully will not change with Klinsy at the helm. That said, I would like to try and introduce a new nicknames to our glossary.
The following nickname was destiny. TYAC senior writer Jon Levy and I were watching the games in two very different locations. We had not spoken to each other in a couple weeks and both tweeted the same joke when MLS MVP candidate Brek Shea entered the game.
@PuckLovesPBR: I didn’t realize that Brek Shea was in a Flock of Seagulls cover band.
@TYAC_Jon: Flock of Sheagulls? I think not, give The Dred Pirate Beckerman his due!
They say great minds think alike, so the two of us will refer to Brek as “Flock of Sheagulls” for the entirety of the USMNT career. I don’t care if he cuts his hair; I stick to my guns when it comes to nicknames. On a complete side note, what kind of a name is Brek anyway? I really don’t’ get it. After doing a little research it appears that it is an old school Welsh name for a girl. Hell, at least its original, I will give his parents that.
Finally, I want to take issue with the several nicknames given to on again, off again USMNT defensive midfielder Kyle Beckerman. People have referred to him as both “The Dread Pirate” and “Steady Dready”. I do not really care for either of these
nicknames for one extremely important reason; it is socially unacceptable for white guys to have dreadlocks.
Traditionally dreadlocks were a worn as a sign of devotion for religious deities around the world. Then, the counter culture movement of the 60’s and 70’s smoked too much weed and dropped too much acid and made growing dreads the “hip” thing to do. As a result of these jacklegs, middle class suburban white kids across the country think it’s cool to grow dreadlocks. I know I sound like an old man at a Brooklyncoffee shop right now, Ronaldoing about the Dodgers leaving town and threatening to get the hose if the kids don’t get off my damn lawn, but seriously white guys in dreads is just wrong. No disrespect Kyle, I really appreciate your talent. It’s really too bad the USMNT has about 5 holding midfielders right now. RealSaltLakeprobably wins the CONCACAF Champions League if you can play in the final, but your dreadlocks make you look homeless. No one that grew up in a town listed as, “One of the Best 100 places to live” by Money Magazine in 2007 should look homeless. I am not saying you can’t grow your hair out long, but just loose the dreads. In fact, “Homeless” should be his new nickname. Homeless going a great job cleaning up the mess in the midfield. Homeless with a great tackle! Sounds kind of catchy if you ask me.
PUCK’S FREE ADVICE:
Loyal TYAC readers know that I like to spend a lot of my time hanging out with good friends in sports bars, particularly my favorite watering hole, Shaboom-Shabooms. All this time both hanging and working at bars leaves me rather qualified to comment on the proper etiquette when dealing with bartenders and servers. That said here is one of my biggest pet peeves: Don’t under any circumstance tip in change. It makes you look like a cheap bastard and the barkeep will certainly look right through you the next time your glass is empty. Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to leave 3 dollars on a 2 dollar draft beer, but don’t leave 2 dollars, a couple dimes some pocket lint and a nickel on the counter and walk away acting like you just did the lovely lady behind the bar a favor.
Also, do yourself a favor and listen to my favorite track off the new Kanye and Jay-Z album. If this track does not get your ready to roll, you don’t know music. By the way, Katy Perry’s cat is named Kitty Purry. Genius.
Puck is The Pop Culture Guy for The Yanks Are Coming. Everyone should fill out the North American Soccer Awards Survey and nominate him as their favorite American soccer journalist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and you can follow his sheer genius, old man moments and Manchester City rantings on Twitter at @PuckLovesPBR.