Major League Soccer

Puck's Friday Happy Hour: MLS All-Star Game Edition

Loyal readers, I hope your last few days of work have not been as stressful

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as mine. I don’t know exactly what has happened over the last week, but several contributing writers for “the greatest blog of all time” have decided that they needed to take some time off. Some people have actually been working hard at their real jobs during stints on the “DL”, but Lighting Cup Levy has been sitting in the living room, wearing nothing but his shit-stained boxer shorts, drinking Canadian Hunter while watching reruns of Metalocalypse and Pantera videos. While others writers have decided to take a leave of absence, I would never do that to you. First of all, writing a series of dick and fart jokes is not mentally or physically taxing. Secondly, I appreciate my fans. If you came up to me at my favorite drinking establishment, I wouldn’t go all “Big Fan” on your ass and stomp your face in like

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my name was Quantrell Bishop. Finally and most importantly, I know that all you Yanks fans out their need something to read while your pretending to do work at your shit-awful 9-5 job. You work hard all through high school and college to land yourself a decent job. What’s your gift, a fucking cubicle? I guess the joke is on you. Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a few quick thoughts on last Wednesday’s MLS All Star Game. Attendance was simply unbelievable. Nearly 71,000 people showed up to watch the MLS All Stars take on Manchester United. When you compare that figure to the other major sports All Star Games over the last year, the MLS comes in second only behind the NBA. Wednesday’s game even surpassed attendance for the NFL Pro Bowl in Miami. I know a great deal of fans went to the game exclusively to see Man U, but you cannot deny the fact the much of the country still has post-World Cup soccer fever. Combine the attendance figures with the fact that more people watched the USA – Ghana match than watched Game 7 of the NBA finals, and you’d have to say things are looking good for soccer in this country. Brian Ching Scored. If I had any real religious belief to speak of, I would personally nominated Ching to be the patron saint of TYAC. Nearly every writer on the staff thinks he should have been a part of the squad that played in South Africa. While others argue that he is not “World Class”, he has shown he has a sense for being in the right place at the right time, and there is something to be said for that. If Brian Ching is not World Class, what the fuck is Robbie Findley? My bet is that he rode along with the baggage on the plane to South Africa. Just imagine the havoc a jacked-up Ching would have done to a worn out Ghanaian back line during extra time. It was nice to see Ching ring the old onion bag in front of his home crowd. You kick ass Brian Ching. The score does not matter. Yes, I know on paper that we got our shit pushed in. But this is an All Star game. The members of the starting line-up had close to no time to actually train together before the match. Even the third string (EDITORS NOTE: It was more like a “B” team, you cynical jacklegs) Manchester United jacklegs have been playing and training together for over a month. More importantly, some of the MLS All Stars best players were not able to really give their all during the match. Donovan and Buddle could not be expected to start the game after playing 90 minutes in a CONCACAF Champions league the night before. While the MLS has had great success since 2005 in the All Star game, it was only a matter of time before we laid an egg. It’s Friday so its time for Pucks Free Advice. If you really want to see a crowded bar totally lose it shit, head to the jukebox and play what the boys and I here at TYAC like to call the “Holy Trinity”. Play the three-peat of Jason Derulo hits, Whatcha Say, In my Head, and Ridin’ Solo. Once people realize what is happening—begin screaming, “What fucking asshole played this shit!” If you don’t think this is hilarious you obviously don’t have any sense of humor and should be nominated for a jackleg post. That would almost be as poor as Senior Writer Neil W. Blackmon’s recent decision to marry former OC star Rachel Bilson instead of Emmanuelle Chriqui (that’s Sloan from Entourage to most of you.) The good news is I guess that means Sloan’s on the rebound…. Time to head to Shabooms for $1 PBR Tall Boys. I might head over to a little bit later to play some blackjack. Sorry for partying bitches. Puck is the pop-culture Guru for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at and still needs to figure out how Twitter works.


  • Sean McElroy

    Hey, just so you know, I thought we should have taken Pearce, not Findley. So there. And he isn’t world class, and he shouldn’t have gone to the World Cup.

    He scored on Man United. Thats so easy that Forlan can do it. Oh wait:

  • Jon

    Let’s not knock Rachel Bilson, she ain’t Sloan, but she’s super hot.

    Brian Ching and Canadian Hunter rule… as do Metalocalypse and Pantera. The defense rests.

  • Brian Suggs

    for all you dwellers of the cubicle world, turn your frowns upside down, its friday! look at the inspirational poster you have hanging on your felt enclosure and listen to its message. (the actual poster every office spacer posts in their box of depression: ) now chins-up, you copy/faxing/phone calling drones, its 5 o’clock somewhere and for some that moment is now! TPS reports can eat my ass, we’re all going to the bar!!! middle management has just been lawyered…BOOM!! POUND JIM BEAM!!!!