Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to another Happy Hour. The majority of this past week I’ve been in the lab working on the “flux capacitor.” While it’s been a struggle trying to generate enough power to hit the magical 1.21 gigawatts, I
am making some progress. My advisor walked in just the other day and asked me how it was going; inspired by my boy Doc Brown, I replied, “When this baby hits 88mph, you’re going to see some serious shit!” Let’s just say he was less than pleased.
Before I get to a couple topics that really need attention (no, not the catfight between perennial jackleg Wayne Rooney and his Grandpa Fergie) I need to touch on just one statement I made last week. In last week’s Homecoming Happy Hour, I mentioned that losing your Homecoming football game is just something that can’t happen. Well here in Gainesville, we spent most of the first half with our heads jammed firmly up our own asses. Gator Country should be flat out embarrassed. While we did not lose to a pushover directional school, putting up only seven points against Mississippi State on Homecoming is like Liverpool losing 2-1 to Blackpool at Anfield. A couple more weeks like that, and Steve Adazzio and Roy Hodgson may be looking for new jobs. I am flying up to Richmond today for my own undergraduate Homecoming. Hopefully the Spiders can bring my Homecoming record to an even 1-1.
Moving on to more soccer related news; some recent developments have made the World Cup host selection picture a bit clearer. Earlier this week, the US officially withdrew its bid to host the 2018 World Cup. The same day, England withdrew its bid to host the 2022 World Cup. There seems to be a little “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” action taking place. With the US withdrawing its name from consideration, the 2018 finals will be held in Europe: the only question now is where. The smart money is still on England, but don’t be surprised if it ends up being a close race with the combined bid of Spain and Portugal. England withdrawing their bid to host the 2022 tournament is more of a symbolic gesture than anything else. With the 2018 finals taking place in Europe, England, and all other European bids for that matter, become ineligible. This whole move just appears to be a way for the US to buy some needed votes in order to secure the 2022 Finals in the face of a strong Australian bid. I still feel very positively about the US being awarded the Cup in 2022, but a World Cup in Australia would also be pretty kickass. That nation loves international sport, and their women are hot. Don’t believe me; check out Yvonne Strzechowski, and Naomi Watts. If you don’t think these two Australian ladies are sexy, you wouldn’t know a good time if it sat on your face.
As most of you already know, one of the greatest Yanks to play the game announced that this year would be his last on the pitch. I am talking about the man, the myth, the legend, Brian McBride. Bake will be playing his last professional game this Saturday for the Chicago Fire when they take on Chivas USA. Unfortunately, the game will most likely not receive the attention and fanfare it deserves, as both squads are already eliminated from the upcoming MLS playoffs. If you are a reader of this blog, you know who Brian McBride is, and I really should not have to list all his accolades, but I will anyway. During his international career, he appeared in 99 matches tallying 30 goals, many of them with a well placed head in the box. As a member of three consecutive World Cup Squads, he was the first American to score in two different World Cups.
On the club level, he helped David Moyes and Everton avoid relegation in the 2003 season by ringing the onion bag four times in nine matches. (Too bad he can’t help them out this year, eh Neil?) From 2004-2008 he played for Fulham scoring 41 goals in 151 appearances. His intense work rate and blue collar attitude led him to the captaincy in 2007. After becoming such a fan favorite, the club even renamed the pub inside Craven Cottage McBride’s. You read that right, a bunch of drunken Englishmen named a bar in a soccer stadium after an American from Arlington Heights, Illinois. I don’t think there is another more flattering honor for a
footballer. I guess it makes sense considering McBride came back from injuries that would end some careers. A severe blood clot that resulted in a removed rib, a dislocated knee cap, and who can forget about the shithead Daniel De Rossi’s malicious elbow to the face in 2006.
Every American player that steps on the field in Europe owes McBride a serious debt of gratitude. Before his extended stay abroad, Americans were shit on from across the pond. His performance opened the door for Americans playing in Europe becoming a legitimate option. I’m not saying that it would not have eventually happened, but it was his performance and heart that got it done. With all due respect to Eric Wynalda, in my opinion Brian McBride was and still is the best and most consistent American forward ever. So if you happen to be near the Home Depot Center this Saturday, buy yourself a ticket and head over to watch the ending of a brilliant career. This PBR is for you Brian McBride. The boys and I hear at TYAC salute you. Thanks for the memories.
It’s Friday, so I can’t end the column without:
PUCK’s FREE ADVICE:
If you are over the age of let’s say, 15, never admit that you enjoy, or have even listened to a Justin Bieber album. If you’re in middle school, it’s ok to like what this jackleg is trying to pass off as music. If you are a dude and like Justin Bieber, you are either a pedophile or you like really androgynous looking women. If you’re a girl, you’re most likely a virgin that has no idea where her special place is. I am so fucking tired of this punk. Cut your fucking hair and get back to me when your balls drop. In fact, we would all be better off if you and your friends went and played in traffic and managed to get clipped by a bus.
Enough of this rant, time to jump on this plane and hit Richmond for a wild Homecoming reunion filled with slampigs, Carry Town Burger, and Boats and Hoes!
Sorry for Partying Bitches.
Puck is the pop culture guy for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at email@example.com or you can follow him and his PBR-fueled, Man City lunatic rantings on Twitter, at @pucklovespbr.