After thinking long and hard for the last several hours, I really had no idea what to write about for this week’s Happy Hour post. Of course there has been a significant amount of USMNT and World Cup news in general, but what topic should I chose to formulate 700 (658) words on? Instead of writing an incoherent piece on just one topic, I figured I would give you just some quick thoughts on all the random shit I have been thinking about. John Fucking Terry I can’t even begin to tell you my range of emotions over the course of this whole John Terry injury situation. I think it has been public knowledge that I loathe John Terry. The other members of TYAC staff can tell you
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that I constantly keep a list in my head. This list is titled, “People to kill if Puck could get away with it.” John Terry has been in the top five on that list for some time now. I know some people think it’s uncool to openly root against
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someone, but I do not believe in this particular philosophy. I am the asshole that I would boo Tiger at the Masters. When I heard that the jackleg extraordinaire Mr. Terry, possible broke his foot, I immediately pounded several PBRs in celebration. The last time I was this happy, Snoop Dogg and I streaked through the gymnasium in our green banana hammocks (Take a minute to appreciate that visual). Sexy, right? The next few hours were filled with jokes about how banging someone else’s wife or girlfriend will always come back to bite you in the ass. Then, disaster hit, his foot was not broken, and he will still be able to participate in the World Cup. What a fucking buzz kill. John Harkes What a complete and total douchebag, end of discussion. If you think John Terry is a jackleg, you obviously haven’t heard of the Harkes story. Need details? Check out Jamie’s post from May 12th. Charlie Davies I have recently been receiving a lot of blowback from readers of the site for my stance on the Chuck D situation. I want to make this abundantly clear: I am not a Chuck
D player hater. I am one of his biggest fans. However, this situation being what it is, not taking him to South Africa was the right move. I just couldn’t imagine Chuck pushing so hard and possibly picking up another knock that would set his full recovery back even longer. Let’s hope for his continued recovery. No matter what happens this summer, Chuck D will be an integral piece of our plans for the 2014 WC qualifying and finals. Fulham and Clint Dempsey I just want to give a quick shout out to one of TYAC staffs favorite EPL teams. I don’t care what your allegiance is; Fulham is a team that it is really hard not to like. They are like that guy that hangs around in your circle of friends. He is never really leading the conversation, or scoring with the ladies, but somehow everyone is glad he’s around (the Andy Selepak of the EPL, if you will). In the Europa League Final on Wednesday, Clint made an appearance in the 55th minute and played relatively well. Fulham had to be thinking that if the game when to penalties, they had an excellent shot of winning the title. Unfortunately, a bad bounce ended their hopes of collecting any hardware this season. Cheers boys, hell of a run. Puck’s Free Advice Here it is! The section you have all been waiting for, my friends. Here is my free advice for the weekend: Don’t waste your time (or money) pumping drinks into that lovely lady (or chiseled guy, we’re equal opportunity), wait for some other hopeless jackleg to do it for you. When the time comes, swoop in and feast. Like my favorite rapper Skee-Lo says, “Prom night is a bomb night, with a hood rat that you can hold tight.” Sorry for partying. Puck is the pop culture guru for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at email@example.com.