Puck’s Happy Hour: World Cup Final

What a tournament it has been! Even with all the bullshit regarding the Jabulani flying off into space, concerns about South Africa’s ability to control massive crowds on the world’s biggest stage, gigantic divots on the pitch, and the

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occasional God-awful officiating, I have truly enjoyed every minute I’ve been able to watch. I want to quickly run through a few of my favorite memories from the summer of 2010 that do not involve my beloved USMNT. (Not Lebron… he is an asshole.)

  • I will never forget the look on Dunga’s face after the Brazilians lost to the Dutch in the quarter finals. He looked like someone had just drowned his new puppy in front of him. After going down 2-1, the Brazilians had no idea what to do with a roster that lacked any creative offensive presence on the bench. Playing from behind was never in the game plan.
  • How could anyone forget the walking waste of humanity that is the French National Team completely falling apart? I hope I am not the only one who does not find this whole situation comical.
  • During the embarrassing beat down that was the Germany-Argentina game, I saw one of the coolest things happen that has nothing to do with the World Cup or even soccer. If you are not familiar with the drinking game currently sweeping the nation known as “Bros Icing Bros” let me explain. Essentially guys try to make other guys chug shitty Smirnoff Ice malt drinks. You know what I am talking about, it’s that shit the girl you wanted to bang in high school used to pound. At every house party you were hoping she would dip into that second six-pack and get drunk enough to sleep with you. Having been iced several times in the last month, I can tell you they taste fucking terrible, especially the fruity flavored ones. After a member of our weekend festivities refused to drink the Ice that was presented to him, a young lady in our party called him a bitch. He told her that if she liked Smirnoff so much, she could drink it herself. That is when all hell broke loose. Without warning she grabbed the drink, dropped down on one knee, and chugged the entire thing. If you think the show was over, you have no idea how fucking wrong you are. After finishing, she jumped up, smashed the bottle over her head, pointed the remaining glass at her challenger and screamed, “That’s how you do it bitch! Who the fuck is next pussies?” Simply mind blowing. Who was this young lady? Why it was none other than TYAC senior writer Raf’s girlfriend KT, aka Kittens, aka Judge Dredd. Congratulations KT on your first appearance in the Happy Hour, you rule.

As for the USMNT, I will never forget how shit hammered drunk “Lighting Cup” Levy and I got during the USA-England game. It was an absolute war zone of empty beer cans and bong resin in TYAC home offices. On a serious note, the summer of 2010 should be seen as a major opportunity lost. We had the easiest path of any team to win their group to make the semifinals. Hopefully this can be a learning experience for some players, but I don’t think a series of events that fortunate will happen again in my lifetime. Of course I will never forget the moments of shear disappointment instantly supplanted by pure ecstasy when Donovan put home the winning goal against Algeria. While that was the highest highs of the World Cup for most USMNT fans, the awful defense leading to Ghana’s winning goal in the knockout stages is without question the lowest.

Obviously, every reader of “the greatest blog of our time” will be watching the World Cup Final this Sunday. Instead of focusing on that match, I want to give the third place game a little publicity. Even though Uruguay and Germany will not be playing for the world domination, neither team wants to end their incredible run of form

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with two straight losses. With national pride on the line, this should be a hard fought game, but I do expect Germany to win. Here are a couple more reasons to watch the third place game this Saturday.

  • As my good friend Dato would say, “It’s a Saturday in America, what the fuck else are you going to do but get drunk?” I could not have said it better myself. You are a scholar and a gentlemen.
  • This one is for the ladies, Diego Forlán. By all accounts, he is a good looking dude, with what Levy would call, “perfect hair.” He has scored several goals in the World Cup thus far, but has been unable to use his traditional celebration, taking off his shirt and running toward the crowd. Without the fear of a suspension hanging over his head, I fully expect the ladies to get a topless shot of Diego.

Those are basically my musings on the World Cup, and the excellent weekend that will be. Hopefully everyone took advantage of the short work week due to the greatest holiday on the planet, the 4th of July. I spent most of Monday recovering from the booze filled weekend that was Cedar Key. It’s Friday so it’s time for Puck’s Free Advice. If you have the money, take a gamble and fly to either Amsterdam or Madrid for the World Cup Final. I have no idea who is going to win (currently leaning toward the Dutch), but just imagine the party that will take place when either of these nations win their first World Cup. Instead of a post-war baby boom that took place in the US, there is going to be a post-World Cup baby boom in either of these two countries. With all the booze and celebrating that is going to take place, I predict massive amounts of “baby batter’ to be spread around. Raf just got here with a fresh case of PBR, time to start the weekend. Sorry for partying, bitches.

Puck is the pop culture guru for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at puck@yanksarecoming.com.

Filed Under: July 2010

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  • http://yanksarecoming.com Jon

    Another reason to watch the third place game: If Uruguay’s returning handball hero Luis Suarez scores a goal in the match and follows it by staring down at his hand in amazement as Dwayne Wade is wont to do after a sick jam, well then by all means, pound Jim Beam!

  • Amy

    Nice subtle Dwayne Wade reference. Are most Florida folks going to start incorporating Heat references into their lives now just to make it seem like they’ve always cared about the Miami Heat ? Good move, I guess. Problem with that stuff is even with a consummate winner like Dwayne Wade, the supporting cast will be more or less the Flint Tropics.

    As for the third place game, if you like watching Germany run riot, then Puck is right– you should watch.

    Would be nice if one of you did a preview piece for this Sunday…

  • Katie

    And that’s exactly how it went down. Yay for me!

  • Amy

    By the way– if Katie really did that– I have two thoughts:

    a. Raf better never break up with her
    b. I am not as cool as I thought I was

    and

    c. if i was on facebook, Katie would be my friend.

  • http://yanksarecoming.com Jon

    Did Amy just order a post off the TYAC menu? Would you like to start with the spinach and artichoke dip and a glass of wine while we prepare that preview for you?

    Seriously though, the NBA is a joke, and most South Florida folks will acknowledge that basketball is a fun sport to marginally care about while waiting for Miami Dolphins preseason to start. That being said, we LOVE Dwayne Wade. I am pretty amused though that a basketball team which now boasts three of the five starters from Team USA (the three fifths compromise?) will be overshadowed locally in so many ways by the likes of CHAD HENNE.

  • Jenn Haas

    a. I can’t wait to watch the final games this weekend with Jon and company.
    b. “I am the law!” Kittens is my hero. Enough said.

  • Raf Crowley

    Here’s why ‘Bron ‘Bron had to join the Heat:
    1.) The NBA is like the WWE. Seriously, have you ever tried to watch the 4th quarter of a regular season game? It’s a joke. Everyone has entrance music, the lights go out, they throw sand in the air. I mean….half the time, I expect to see Kurt Angle walking down the ramp.
    2.) In sports-entertainment, you have the “heels” and the “good guys.”
    3.) Kobe is a scumbag who cheats on his wife, allegedly raped someone (although no charges were filed), and ratted out Shaq.
    4.) Last season in the NBA, none of the “good guys” were quite “good enough.”
    5.) Therefore, in David Stern’s script, he had to make it so that a team of superheros was created to knock off the evil Lakers after back-to-back championships so that order could be restored in the universe (I mean, hell, HHH won the belt when he was a heel a bunch of times. Sometimes the heel wins).

  • Andy

    Bros icing their Bro’s Hoes?

    I predicted a Spain win from the beginning, just never thought it would be against the Orange. So, I think I will root for the orange. Then again, No One Ever Suspects the Spanish Inquisition.

  • http://yanksarecoming.com Jon (remote)

    Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

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