Barclays Premier League, Featured, October 2013

Whiney Limey: Space Monkey Probe Launched

Next big thing Andros Townsend had no issue with Hodgson's awkward space monkey moment...but he and his mates did take issue to the rat on the ship...

Next big thing Andros Townsend had no issue with Hodgson’s awkward space monkey moment…but he and his mates did take issue to the rat on the ship…

Guy Bailey

Editor’s Note: Guy Bailey will write columns for The Yanks Are Coming throughout the Barclay’s Premier League season where he discusses the happenings overseas in the world’s most popular sports league. Guy offers a unique perspective on the league as a Brit who lived for a long while in the United States before moving back to Teeside in the past year. He can be reached at and you can follow him on Twitter all EPL season at@guyrbailey.

Don’t let the deceptive headline fool you, this is a whiney limey column – I’m referring to the fallout from England’s 2-0 win against Poland. It transpires that old school England boss Roy Hodgson prefers to speak in metaphor so instead of simply telling the players to keep passing the ball to official next best thing ™ Andros Townsend, he tells a convoluted joke/tale about a guy on a NASA mission whose job was to keep feeding the monkeys on board.  Apart from nobody quite keeping track of the point,  the punchline being literally ‘keep feeding the space monkey’, one could possibly see an issue as Townsend is from mixed parentage.   What happened next though is that a disgruntled member of the squad then leaked it to that bastion of restraint and decorum, The Sun,  and the hue and cry ensued.  Not against Hodgson, who even Townsend defended,  but on the unnamed rat in the camp.  An intriguing start to the world cup.

It’s a good job England did go through automatically as the French would have awaited in next month’s qualifiers.

David Moyes continues his Brody from Homeland lookalike duties, which he’s more successful at than managing right now as Southampton came back to equalize in the last minute and continue the questions about his credentials.

Eden Hazard has things looking grand for Chelsea...

Eden Hazard has things looking grand for Chelsea…

Chelsea beat Cardiff comfortably with some help from an officials team who temporarily suspended the rules to let them get back on level terms after the Welsh EPL debutantes had taken the lead.  The Cardiff keeper was bouncing the ball when it made contact with Eden Hazard’s foot.  Instead of signalling an indirect free kick to Cardiff, the ref and linesman indicated play on so Hazard squares the ball to Eto’o,  who missed before drilling home himself. Chelsea’s performance was so promising that even Roger Bennett had to write nice things about the Blues this week.

More of the same at Sunderland as they leak four in 20 minutes in Gus Poyet’s first game in charge at Swansea to set up a critical Derby with Newcastle this week.  Crystal Palace similarly lost 4-1 . at home to carsick Fulham, a result so desperate it cost manager Ian Holloway his job,  despite only being appointed in January. One thought- and not such a subtle one- if Crystal Palace are looking for a manager who can get the side to play as a unit with grit, determination and defensive know-how,there is an American in Egypt I can think of who…

A quick word too on my own championship stragglers Middlesbrough, new home of Kei Kamara, who parted company with club legend Tony Mowbray this week after three years and five wins in 2013 in total.   It’s always hard when it’s one of your own at the helm and a manager with no previous connection to the club would have been binned months previously.  The final straw was a visit to bottom of the league, one win in eight, Barnsley.  Despite a bright start and a handful of sitters missed, Boro then leaked three goals before half time and stewards had to restrain hundreds of irate Boro fans from physically remonstrating with their own team as they trudged off at half time.  The most animated they looked all game was when they ran the gauntlet back onto the pitch for the second half and despite pulling two back it was full time for Mowbray.

Ian Holloway is one of the favourites to take over which goes to show in English football at least, as one door closes, a catnap opens.

As noted, Guy Bailey writes on the Barclay’s Premier League for The Yanks Are Coming. Want more Guy Bailey? We highly recommend his new book, Blessay From America, a collection of writings made while living in America, where he married a southern belle and saw his son born, which you can purchase here. 

Daniel Seco