Yankette Of The Month: Erin Andrews

As we approach the World Cup, we here at the Yanks Are Coming, like the USMNT, are training hard to make sure we are in top-form and fitness when the lights shine the brightest. Naturally, this demands more than great sportswriting, increased workloads, and tighter Dan Seco deadlines. Speaking of Dan Seco, there’s a rumor going around that he’s actually sleeping five-six hours a night. That’s practically hibernation for that dude—I have no idea how he functions, but hey—running the most important blog of our time more or less requires that you are more machine than man. Our push to be our best applies to Yankettes too, and after a staff meeting, complete with Jon Levy’s Lightning-cup filled with Canadian Hunter, Raf wearing a sleeveless “Syracuse- Unbelievaball” basketball shirt, and Puck essentially sitting in a makeshift bed of PBR boxes, we decided that we needed to make our next two Yankettes the absolute best we felt America has to offer. This isn’t a knock on past Yankettes—those ladies still rule the earth. We just feel the next two raise the bar. They’re “next level” women, to quote your favorite NFL draft analyst. They’re the kind of women that embody how absolutely outstanding it is to be American. They’re Omaha steaks to your Scottish haggis, apple pie to your Shepherd’s. They’re the kind of gals that if we line them up against Guy Bailey, we can say—“What, you’re really coming at us with Keira Knightley? Is that all ya’ got? You better come stronger than that, Guy. You could have at least rolled with Kate Winslet. She’d keep Red Lobster open late.” You get the idea. We’re coming strong, and we mean business. And with all due respect to Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, we can’t win this thing just rolling out Harvard Law school deans. And we’ve got Hillary to duke it out with your Thatcher anyway.

I’ll just say it for the record: the next two Yankettes, best Yankettes ever. Throw in Amy S. and we’re on a phenomenal run. We’re Phil playing the back nine on Saturday at this year’s Masters. They’re so good you could get hopped up on barrel-select Kentucky Bourbon—Woodford Reserve, 1792, Maker’s, your call—and run around London yelling “We Beat you At Yorktown, Bloodied you @ Bunker Hill, We’ve got better women and we beat you in Brazil, and when we meet in Rustenburg, it’ll be Yanks—2-nil.” Best Yankettes ever. And that starts with May Yankette of the Month, 32 year old Florida beauty Erin Andrews.

Why Erin Andrews? Bad question. Better quesiton. Why not Erin Andrews? Why not EA? The Tampa product makes your standard coed dime-piece look like Charlize Theron halfway through a Monster make-up session. It’s not close. I don’t like beating a dead horse, but in this case, I will. She’s “next level” gorgeous. She’s that girl not even the inspirational quote on your Starbucks Cup that gets you fired up about life for five hours can convince you to ask out. That’s one reason.

Why EA? She’s successful. I’ll go on the record again: she’s the best sideline reporter in sports. Period. She has more Emmy’s than Shaq has rings. She’s the Kobe of sideline reporters. She makes the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl watchable. On Thanksgiving, after we’ve eaten the Turkey and the sweet potatoes and the pumpkin pie and filled our hearts with warm American things, long after we’ve “watched” whatever the Detroit Lions are calling “professional football” that year—we get the lovely EA on the sidelines for Texas-Texas A&M or Ole Miss-Miss State and we’re reminded just how thankful we should be, with all due respect to Holly Rowe.

Why EA? She’s so good at her job and such a good looking woman at the same time—it drives other women nuts. Look—there’s nothing wrong with Stacy Dales. Nothing wrong. A whole lot to like about Stacey Dales. Great sideline reporter. Makes the NFL Network a great deal more watchable. All-American Athlete. Great looking. Just not EA. And don’t think for a second she doesn’t know it. If I’m Stacey Dales, I’ve got an Erin Andrews complex. If you don’t believe Stacey Dales has that complex—you try being definitively second-best at anything, just for a minute. Think about being Frank Lampard to Stevie G. The Houston Rockets in the 90s to Jordan’s Bulls. Soundgarden to Pearl Jam. You think about how Stacey Dales feels when EA’s interviewing Nick Saban and giggling while grilling him about his first-half playcalling in the red zone, all the while flashing wavy blonde hair you see only on EA and in Pantene ad’s. Still don’t believe me? Read this two-character play. I’m pretty sure Stacey Dales has had just about enough of Erin Andrews. Good thing we haven’t.

Why EA? Yeah—we’ve got one more reason. The Yanks Are Coming was founded by Gators. The University of Florida is in Gainesville— we’re just another reason the Gator Nation is everywhere. A bunch of us have fond memories of the College of Journalism and Weimer Hall, down in God’s Country in the shadow of The Swamp. EA’s a Gator, and an alumna of the College of Journalism. Not only does that mean we get chills when she does the Gator Chomp on Dancing With the Stars (and yeah—we’re willing to TIVO it just to watch her segments), it means the former Zeta Tau Alpha has one more trump card, as if she needed one. She’s a Gator. And that makes her infinitely better than everyone else. So we salute you, EA. You make us proud.

Go be the Best Sideline Reporter in Sports.”

“Go Gators.”

I’m out.

Neil W. Blackmon is a senior writer for The Yanks Are Coming. He can be reached at neil@yanksarecoming.com or @nwb_USMNT.

Filed Under: May 2010Yankette of the Month

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  • geoffersen

    Does Erin Andrew care about US Soccer or the USMNT? What does it have to do with anything? Fun is fun, but this is neither interesting nor entertaining. I usually like this site, so I’m disappointed.

  • Neil W. Blackmon

    Geoff– Thanks for the input. In all likelihood, no, Erin doesn’t care about the USMNT or US Soccer. Can’t say that for sure– but you are right.

    The point of Yankette pieces is essentially to highlight a “Woman We Love.” This is no different than a feature in Esquire magazine or Pat Forde’s college football column, 40 Yard Dash– which features a “Dashette” every week. Is it self-serving? Sure. I think so to some extent. But it is fun and sometimes it is good to write those pieces. Obviously we have serious pieces as well– see my South Africa piece yesterday.

    Again, I appreciate your comment. I’m sorry you didn’t find this interesting or entertaining. I thought it was pretty funny. Thanks for reading our site.

  • Geoff,

    I’m glad that you usually like our site, this being the case, please ignore all of my posts because they are most certainly not interesting nor are they entertaining. However, I would encourage you to read everything else here because the rest of the dudes are some seriously good writers. If you enjoy random lists, check out my recent post on another blog where I detail what I believe some of the major players who were left off their national team may be doing this summer http://listsbylosers.blogspot.com/2010/05/what-5-of-top-soccer-players-in-world.html

  • Daniel Seco

    Look at Dru using this blog as free ad space! Haha, atta boy.

  • taylor

    Gator Nation for life baby

  • Also if you are interested in renting me for private parties please contact me at my email listed in my posts.

  • Amy

    She is really good at her job. Nice choice. In defense of Miss Dales, I especially like when she interviews Tommie Harris. They may as well just talk about how much they love Oklahoma for the whole interview. She re-defines “softball” interview questions. At least she dresses well.

  • Jon

    Yeah but so does Tommie, insert video of the Harris’s dancing on draft day six or seven years ago, Tommie clad in a shiny purple suit!

    And Neil, you neglect to mention that Ms. Andrews was a Dazzler! UF’s version of NBA Basketball dance teams!

    But one final note, while Erin does her job amazingly, I do have to temper blog posts with just a bit of wisdom here. In regard to her initial rise to sideline (ice-level initially in this case) reporting prominence, well, as Raf would say about his boy Eli Manning, Daaaadddyyyyyyy!

  • Amy

    Can we get a shout out to EA for winning Dancing With the Stars !!!!

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